Did you ever see the commercial where a guy dressed up in a teddy bear suit sings to an unsuspecting woman about her boyfriend breaking up with her? You know the one I’m talking about? She’s not in his cell phone network, so it’s too expensive to continue to call her? And he hands her balloons? Remember? Huh?
Well there is a guy in Berlin who started a business and does exactly that, although it is unknown if he dresses like a teddy bear.
According to a Reuters story, Bernd Dressler charges $68 dollars to tell people they have been dumped. He said that he has helped end 200 relationships in the last 11 months.
“I almost never get invited in for a coffee,” Dressler told the Berliner Morgenpost. “Most of the time they’re totally surprised.”
I’ll say.
I would have so much fun running this kind of business. Hell, forget trying to find a job at a newspaper or a television station. I’m getting in on the ground floor of this venture.
I’ll call it, “It’s Not You, It’s Me.” Now I just need a fancy advertisement.
Voice-over guy : Are you sick of your current relationship? Does your boyfriend or girlfriend make you want to chew on rusty nails? But do you not have the guts to break it off? Then it’s time to call It’s Not You, It’s Me. We’ll end your relationship in a manner that fits your needs.
Woman: I hated the way my boyfriend smacked his gum. So I called It’s Not You, It’s Me. They sent my ex pictures of me and another guy making the beast with two backs on a bed of Big League Chew.
Man: My girlfriend would nag me about watching sports all the time. I couldn’t handle the idea of breaking up with her in person. Then I thought of It’s Not You, It’s Me. They went to my girlfriend’s work and nagged her about her looks until she cried. Now I can watch sports any time I want!
Voice-over guy: Whether you want a nice, clean break or you just want to stomp a mud hole in their heart and send them to therapy for the next ten years, It’s Not You, It’s Me can end your relationship without you having to get your hands messy. Remember at It’s Not You, It’s Me, sometimes it is you.
Sounds good, doesn’t it? I’m going to be using hundred dollar bills for intimate hygiene purposes! So if you want out of your current relationship, shoot me an e-mail! Let me end your relationships for you.
But I am NOT wearing a teddy bear suit.
thetruthandotherlies1@gmail.com