Somewhere Miss Teen South Carolina is laughing. (I only wonder if she knows where she is on a map.)
Sunday night’s Video Music Awards reaffirmed the obvious: it’s over for Britney.
It didn’t take her poor dancing or lack-luster lip-synching to convince anyone. But within minutes of her performance, news of her latest escapade spread across the Web. Do you know how hard it is to enjoy the Cowboys when you’re watching a train wreck?
No one cares that Britney lip syncs. She always has. It’s just that in years past, she had the moves to back her up.
Let’s break it down. (Ha!)
She almost has her body back after the births of her two children. Perhaps she should’ve focused a bit more on her exercise routine than her drug use?-?although it does cause weight lost. (Let’s see, run five miles a day and snort two inches?)
Her outfit was close to stylish. It was vintage “Pretty Woman” or “Striptease” or whatever hooker movie you can name. If she had only accented her outfit with that python from a few years back, it could’ve worked. She could’ve wrapped it around her waist to hold in the last remainders of her stomach. (It’s bad when even reptiles refuse to work with you anymore.)
The boots and the bikini didn’t really turn me off. But, hey, I appreciate the 70s disco/pole dancer look. It’s kind of Rob Zombie back up dancer meets the “Diamonds Are Forever” Bond girls with an extra 10 pounds of Jell-O for visual effect. (Thanks for the fake diamond to draw extra attention. I’m sure your kids will look back and smile at another reason for their emotional scars.)
Her hair was a bit disheveled. But I like it as well. Not that I’m a hair expert (please see photo), but the I-stayed-out-all-night-Friday-and-Saturday-before-my-big-comeback-getting-wasted is really going to catch on.
She moved so gracefully, too. I can’t make up my mind if it was more early whitey, “Night of the Living Dead” or wounded mental patient. The dancers were almost dragging her to her spot on stage. Perhaps they should have had someone above her operating the marionette strings?-?or a taser.
And who can ignore the irony of her singing, er, synching?-?oh whatever?-?to the song “Gimme More.” No, Britney, you’ve had enough. You should stop.
For a comeback, it got attention. I’m sure MTV executives are congratulating themselves somewhere for not going with their first idea: personally slapping each member of the viewing audience.
How bad was it? The fight between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee wasn’t really a fight. It was them falling on each other while laughing at Britney on stage.
People complained the audience was drunk by the time the awards hit the halfway mark. Do you blame them? You could tell the smart artists because they stayed in their rooms to perform. Good plan, Fall Out Boy and Foo Fighters.
The only way she could have finished it with any dignity would have been if the tiger from Siegfried and Roy’s old show had come out and tried to eat her. But apparently albino tigers have good taste.
It’s sad that night will forever taint the wholesome image that was Vegas.
Now that you’ve comeback, Britney, please, go back.