I’m like most people, I work out a little, try to watch what I eat, and I habitually lash myself with a bamboo cane to purge the sin of my Cheeto benders. I hadn’t really considered how we view ourselves as a culture until I happened to mention it to a Brazilian friend of mine. She informed me that the American body image is pretty puritan. I didn’t gasp in surprise, I would have instead said “filled with self-loathing” and promptly got back to caning myself.
24-hour news networks barely go a day without filming poor overweight souls walking around New York City with blurred-out faces. The anchor for that hour will talk about the growing obesity problem and I’m sure their concern over this topic follows them all the way to their exclusive gym and personal trainer Maurice, where they laugh and joke about the burden of being attractive, wealthy and successful.
What about the people who actually go out and try to tackle this problem themselves? We are not a nation lazy people. We love to look in the American mirror and talk on about how lazy we are, but we just aren’t. We work more hours than most nations, second only to Japan, and honestly we get things done. So there are obviously people out there seeking out solutions to their individual weight issues. The only problem is that some of the same conglomerates that sold us our spare tire are the same ones who are trying to burn it off.
One evening Jenny McCarthy appeared to me. She told me a tale of heroism and miracles that seemed pure fantasy, and then as sudden as she appeared, she was gone. It could have been a commercial; I was pretty out of it after had previously mowed down several bags of Funyuns as I lay in my recliner. Jenny foretold the story of WeightWatchers, and the free first meeting.
For the record, WeightWatchers works for many people and I wouldn’t undersell their individual achievements for all the Doritos at Frito-Lay. Still, WeightWatchers is there to make money. This is seems pretty obvious, but they like to make it a little more obvious by getting it right now. Jenny gave me the idea that the first meeting would be free or something to that effect, it’s hard to say after all of those chocolate syrup shots. A friend attended a local meeting and it turned out as a recent promotion it was the registration that was free. It was awfully generous of them not to charge for the privilege to pay a monthly fee.
Meetings resemble seminars and you’re handed motivational papers intended to give her “empowering beliefs” and encourage “positive self-talking” as well as a booklet that mentioned various products she could buy from WeightWatchers. The whole thing costs on average over $100, and here on campus you can get a personal trainer for that much.
Either way it’s hard when you realize that you’re getting it coming and going. Madison Avenue tries desperately to seduce us into eating the unhealthiest products this side of Styrofoam, and once we’ve gained the weight its time to open the wallet once more to buy the right to eat reasonably again… and don’t forget the “in-meeting products” that are available, you’ll need those too.