Since the beginning of time women have tried to figure out what men want. I wish I could say the same for men, but we gave up when girls said that being hit on the head with a club or being dragged by their hair to a cave didn’t count as foreplay anymore.
We have suspicions and theories, but we cannot come to a solid conclusion.
Women, on the other hand, think they have nailed it down. They have dedicated entire magazines to how to please men. They have authorized themselves experts in the male psyche by dishing out false advice for “keeping your man satisfied” written by Girly Vaginastien.
Month after month, these magazines pump out long lists of different ways to please men. Yet, I don’t see guys saying, “Man, I’m so glad my girl reads Cosmo, it has changed our relationship. I feel satisfied and pleased.”
Almost any man will say those articles are about as informative as a Sarah Palin speech. Isn’t that right, Joe Six-Pack?
How about a man’s advice?
Men want sandwiches. I’m not saying a woman’s only place is in the kitchen, but we like sandwiches. Our mothers made us sandwiches when we were young and now we want them to continue to be made without lifting a finger. We could do it ourselves, but it tastes so much better when you do it. For better results: make after sex or in the nude.
Scrub it up. We could really care less what you are wearing. Sweatpants and a tank top are perfectly acceptable. Guys are focused on being comfortable. If his girl is complaining about her high heels being painful, he will say one thing, “Take them off.” We won’t ever appreciate or understand the time and hard work you put into your appearance, so cut it in half.
Pick a movie with blood. Okay, Okay…It doesn’t have to have blood, but some consideration is in place when choosing the movie. We have had to sit through The Notebook enough. When it’s your turn to pick out the movie, try something we would be interested in. For better results: If the movie has nudity, don’t make us feel guilty for staring. We will do it regardless, just don’t make us feel guilty.
Open a door or two for us. With all of the women screaming for equality, shouting they can do anything a man can, how about holding a door for me? Women are just as capable as men. I don’t know the time period where doors were so heavy that girls couldn’t open them, but I know they aren’t all that hard to use anymore.
Did I mention Sandwiches? Yeah, they are that awesome.
Men aren’t difficult creatures. We are easily pleased and do not require much maintenance. There is only one bit of advice I can add. Please know that hints and clues to why you are in that crazy mood will never be received as quickly as you’d like. Save us all the time and energy and just tell us what you mean!
Like I said, we have given up trying to figure women out, so save us the headache and possible heartache and just spit it out!