This week I journeyed into the world of shopping and the oh so popular practice of tanning.
Shopping for me consisted of finding the right outfit for both Halloween and the last piece in this series. Since I am a rather tall and bulky fellow I decided the best place to shop for my feminine apparel would be Torrid.
I tried on a variety of corsets and blouses before settling on a nice black number, which was just one step shy from cutting the flow of oxygen to my brain. I came to the realization any woman strong enough to wear one of these constrictors for more than an hour is one tough broad.
And on top of it I don’t have much in the way of breasts, so it must be far more annoying for a lady then it is for me to wear this age-old staple of dress.
Next, I tried on a series of skirts to match my corset. This was not all that irritating although it is somewhat annoying finding a skirt that is the perfect length. I settled on a nice red frilly number, which complimented my top and shows enough leg to be both sexy and tasteful.
My cross-dressing odyssey ended with a search for the perfect pair of shoes.
Prior to this event I spent a maximum of 10 minutes picking out a pair of shoes, but when dealing with heals I learned you couldn’t try on just one. After strutting my stuff in 10 or so different pairs of shoes, I settled on boots with six inch heals raising me from a respectable 6 feet 3 inches, to a monstrous 6 feet 9 inch dragzilla.
Walking in heels is no easy feat. Once again, I have enormous respect for women who wear these things all day long. They are ridiculously annoying to walk in and mildly painful. With that in mind, whenever I hear someone complain about having to wear heels, I will give them nothing but sympathy.
Aside from adventuring into the world of women’s fashion, I also attempted two different types of tanning. In truth I know of several men who tan, but it is still considered to be an activity more reserved for women. With this in mind, I journeyed into a tanning bed for 15 minutes.
Truthfully, I felt downright uncomfortable. Large ultraviolet lights bathed me in a spray of tanning ecstasy, which to me did not feel all that wonderful. There was no real result from one time of tanning and aside from a delightful smell brought on by my bronzer of choice I found the experience boring. Personally, I don’t mind being pale – and paying some ridiculous amount of money to lie in a box is something I’m not into.
I also tried a spray-on tan application. This is a great product if you want to make yourself look like a leper. The stuff streaks and unless a lot is applied it does little to dramatically alter a person’s skin in a good way.
In the end, tanning doesn’t do much for me. I can see why some people want to stay dark-complected, but for me, pale is the way to go.