Finally, after five weeks of questing toward the holy grail of womanhood I have come to my climactic finish. This week I went for something I call “the full monty.” What this means is on Halloween I dressed in full drag and went to a club with a group of friends.
My apparel included a black corset, a red skirt, hair extensions, thigh high lace stockings and six inch black boot heels. The reason I chose to drag out was so I could gain an understanding on why women take so long to get ready. What I found was a two-hour preparation time is valid.
I started by removing all my unnecessary and unsightly hair. Obviously I had a little more to remove than the average girl, but the process gave me a glimpse into how long and how annoying it is to remove large portions of hair similar to what women have to go through while shaving their legs.
All and all, this was one of the more annoying points of the evening. I shaved both my back and chest and, as I have said in previous columns I am a hairy gentleman, so needless to say the process took awhile.
After successfully removing my body hair, I moved on to adding hair. I used six extensions to create length and depth in my hair. It took me about 30 minutes to effectively put in the extensions with the help of my girlfriend. In addition to the extensions, I used a red hair band to hold my bangs back and keep my doo from looking like a mullet. All in all I rather enjoy extensions.
They can create a whole new look without permanently altering your appearance. They are a bit expensive, but when you weigh the cost with being able to use them for months to years after their purchase they kind of pay for themselves.
After I completed my fabulously feminine hair design I moved on to make up. Now I know very little about make up, so I petitioned my girlfriend to do my make up for me.
What I discovered is I would be a woman who normally had a natural look. I hated rubbing stuff all over my eyes and I am pretty sure eyelash curlers are an ancient torture device.
The final test of my womanhood was wearing the abovementioned outfit for a night on the town. First off, a corset becomes insanely uncomfortable to breath in when sitting down and is ridiculously hard to keep from slipping down below my nipples. Honestly, I can see how corsets are attractive, but with the exception of Halloween I would not wear them very often or at all.
The last thing I dealt with was heels. Never again. I will never where heels again, it’s awful to say the least. I kept them on for around six hours and every hour was just a little more painful than the hour before.
Heels can look professional but if I was a lady who had to wear heels, I would have some flats with me at all times.
My series has come to an end. I’m not sure if I effectively felt a fraction of the pain women go through, but I am positive the fairer sex is pretty tough. All I can say is thank god its acceptable for me to have hair.