The Truth and Other Lies
I have all the classic symptoms: fever, lethargy and the ability to stay in bed all day.
Every year, many college students suffer from the dreaded disease Senioritis. It’s horrible, I tell you! I can’t get motivated to do anything. And this couldn’t come at a worse time, because I’m supposed to graduate this semester. Why, I’m so unmotivated I don’t even want to write this column.
Oh, the horror! The Stephen King of it all! Are you like me? Do you suffer from this terrible affliction as well?
What can we, the victims of this wretched disease, do to overcome our illness? Can I keep asking asinine questions until I reach my word count?
You don’t think I can make it, do you? You want me to fail, don’t you? You have no idea how long I can keep on asking question after question, compound complex sentence after compound-complex sentence until, at last, like a shining silver lining at the end of the tunnel, as I beat around this bush and not look this gift horse in the mouth, I finally come to the end of this sentence, or do I?
Perhaps you are like me and have forgotten what the subject of this column was, so let’s just go back to the beginning and … yes!
Senioritis.
A dodgy memory is another symptom of Senioritis. So we must find a way to combat this wicked malady. I’ve tried drinking bottles of whiskey and sleeping all day, but that hasn’t helped very much.
Instead I shall try a different solution, which is to stay as busy as possible. I’ve given myself loads of extra-curricular stuff to do, such as hosting the student talk show, Hot Topix, and anchoring the student news show, NewsCenter 3, on KETV cable channel 3.
Shameless plug? Of course it is, but it just might help me beat my Senioritis.Are there other ways of fighting this grave malady?
Probably, but I’ve got such a case of Senioritis that I can’t think of any other way. Maybe we should start a Senioritis Anonymous club. You can join, too! I’ll getus started.
Me: Hello, everyone. My name is Michael, and … I have Senioritis.
Everyone: Hello, Michael.
Now that I have accepted that I have this illness, I can start to do something about it! The problem with that, however, is that I’m a level three procrastinator, which is rather high. So not only do I not want to do stuff, I wait until the last possible second to not want to do stuff. Disgusting, eh?
Oh well. Nothing to do but to plug away and keep my eye on the prize. May is just around the corner, so I can’t lose focus. I’ve got stuff to do, like order my cap and gown, invitations and the other useless crap I have to buy in order to graduate.
Nah, I’ll do it later…
E-mail Michael at thetruthandotherlies1@gmail.com