John McCain will never be president. I don’t say this as a joke. I don’t say this because I’m a Democrat, either. (Actually I was registered as a Republican once, but have since decided it would be better to be independent. This way I can heckle whoever is on stage.)
McCain will never be president because he had a shot and blew it. And it’s not because he’s not a good man or doesn’t believe in America or wouldn’t do his best.
It’s because he shows his emotions.
Since Presidents Day was this week, I thought about comparing McCain to George Washington. They were both military men. They both were captured and found later glory. They both married women from wealth. And both seem to rise above the political bickering that surrounds them.
So far, the boys stack up fairly evenly, although the whole bayonet-to-the-groin-after-breaking-both-arms-and-a-leg-followed-by-a-rifle-butt-crushing-his-right-shoulder ordeal earns McCain a lot of respect in my book.
The five and a half years of beatings and other torture carry a lot of weight, too. (Thank God, he doesn’t show the groin scar in public anymore.)
But here’s the difference: stoicism.
Washington defined the word through his actions – though he did so with a straight face. Have you noticed there’s never been a George Washington joke book. Every image of the man features him with a closed mouth. (Yes, there’s the whole thing about his teeth, but that’s not it. And it wasn’t his breath, either.)
Washington crossing the Delaware. Mt. Rushmore. The one-dollar bill. That dang unfinished Gilbert Stuart painting. The dude never even grinned. (Well, there was that one time Ben Franklin cut one at the Constitutional Convention … )
Historians still debate many of Washington’s beliefs because he was so closed-mouthed. He never spoke badly about anyone in a political way. He kept his religion to himself as much as any man could in those days. He didn’t even speak badly about the French.
McCain may have a calm demeanor most of the time, but he’s not stoic. I enjoy his appearances on “The Daily Show”; he seems to have a good sense of humor, especially about politics. And when he disagrees with someone, he usually does so politely and professionally. But he may harbor grudges. The word “gook” crossed his lips more than a few times in the 2000 primaries. (Strange how a bayonet in your boys can cause prejudice.)
He’s a bit too common-man in his reactions to those around him at times. I mean, who hasn’t joked that Chelsea Clinton is really ugly because her dad was Janet Reno? (One second while I write that one down.)
(OK, I’m ready now.)
Then there was his comment to Sen. Chuck Grassley: “You know, senator, I thought your problem was that you don’t listen. But that’s not it at all. Your problem is that you’re a f–ing jerk.” (Yep. He cusses like a sailor. Oh, wait … )
When he opens his mouth and speaks like a normal citizen, he impresses me. But lately, he seems to be focused on winning the Republican nomination. McCain seems more like a politician than I’d like to think. Following past feuds with the Religious Right, he now acts friendly toward Falwell and Robertson.
And he has totally backed President Bush following the dirty tricks of the 2000 primary. Most people would hold a grudge if someone’s polling people suggested you hated Catholics, had a drug-addicted wife, and fathered a bastard black child with a prostitute — not that there’s anything wrong with prostitutes. (They work hard for the money.)
He even suffered allegations his time in Vietnam left him mentally unstable. Who can blame him following the 2000 primary for telling a let’s-bury-the-hatchet Bush, “Don’t give me that sh-t. And get your hands off me.” (See what I mean by normal reaction?)
Now who’s still supporting the war?
He even had his Lt. Dan-esque reconciliation with Vietnam, having voted for normalized trade with the country. This gesture seemed sincere, not just politically wise.
But in this time of watch-me-play-nice politics, it’s tough to know what’s the right strategy for getting elected.
“I Feel Your Pain” died.
“Compassionate Conservatism” turned out to be a farce.
Will the answer be “Wait to Find Out Who I Really Am After the Election”?
I hope not. I hope the real McCain stands up soon and shows us he’s got the cojones to be what this country needs.
Just don’t show us the scar.
E-mail Troy at theeasttexan@gmail.com