Writer tries to "cope" with stress

So, the other day my friend asked me if I wanted his leftover guacamole and I stabbed him with a butter knife.

Has this ever happened to you? If it has, it probably happened for one of two reasons: either you are just a [slang term for anus], or you have let all of your frustration and aggression build up, just to explode on somebody over something relatively inconsequential.

For me, it was the latter, and he had it coming – he knows I don't like guacamole!! Anyway, I have found myself in situations like these during the last month or two since the semester started. So, I decided to offer some tips to my peers to help take the edge off and keep your frustrated aggression at bay.

One good way to let off some steam is working out. Working out is really good because while you get your pump on, your body is releasing these nifty little chemicals called endorphins. Endorphins are kind of like the body's own, homemade opiates in the sense that they function to alleviate pain as well as give you an overall sense of wellbeing. Pumping iron, running, cycling, swimming and so on, all function to release endorphins in the body and take the edge off, but they do not always help relieve frustration or pent up aggression. To relieve aggression, I recommend finding a gym with a punching bag or something that you can beat the snot out of while imagining that the back is your parent or your pimp or whoever is making you mad.

Another idea is to take up some kind of hobby that will distract you from your woes, while also allowing you to relieve some of your pent up aggression. I personally recommend becoming a crack marksman with a rifle. This is another instance in which you can look at your target and visualize it as the source of your frustration, and just go nuts. And if that doesn't work, you can always set your sights on the ACTUAL source of your frustration.

This next method of overcoming frustration is a bit of a touchy topic and it rhymes with "smashtursmation." It's common for people – especially college-age students – to come across a bit of sexual frustration, which can ultimately lead to deep-seated aggression. So, if you find yourself in a "dry spell," I recommend you close the shades, light candles, put on some Yanni and "do the Han Solo."

And if all else fails, do what I do: drive out to Harry Hines in Dallas and hunt down and mercilessly kill the hooker or two that you see. It's perfect in every aspect. You get to relieve your built up aggression – and your sexual frustration (if that's your thing) – while committing a victimless crime (it's victimless because hookers aren't people).