Shatner ruins music

I was going to do a review of a band I actually like called "Mayday Parade." However, when I stumbled upon an album by William Shatner called "Seeking Major Tom," I could not pass it up. I mean, we do a weekly column where we use Shatner heads as a rating system for God's sake.

Before I say anything else, I must say this: this album was far worse than I could ever have imagined. I knew it was going to be brutal, but holy crap, it was awful.

For those of you who didn't know, William Shatner sings. In all fairness though, you probably still wouldn't know if you heard one of his "songs." In his newest album, I got to listen to the "Shats" speak-sing through over a dozen space-themed ditties.

It wasn't completely awful at the start. I made it through the first few songs without too much trouble. With songs like "Major Tom," I couldn't fault "Ol' Shat-head" too much (that's not really a great song to begin with). But I think he really hit his stride somewhere around his song "Space Truckin'," because I think that was the point when I got a nosebleed and passed out.

Before I continue, I want to assure you readers that this album is not JUST Shatner speak-singing though 20 songs about space. Apparently, through sheer force of will, Billy was able to enlist a bunch of established country artists who evidently have been out of the spotlight long enough to think that teaming up with William Shatner was the ticket back to fame and fortune. Congratulations, Willy, on bringing them down to your level.

For those of you who really are just pleased as punch to listen to an album that is chock full of space-related songs, Shatner is going to disappoint you as well. He does a few covers. (Did you feel that? That was Willy destroying your innocence.)

Now, I have never heard a good cover of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody."  But I was actually surprised when Shatner went after it. Until that point, I thought that I would never hear such a laughable, vomit-inducing cover of that song. "Bohemian Rhapsody" is arguably one of my favorite songs that Queen has ever produced. And William Shatner ruined it.

I could not continue after that.

But, hey, if you're reading this and all that sounds appealing to you, by all means, come find me. And I'll put you out of your misery, you poor soul.