Writer suggests that everyone should be 'just a little bit gayer'

Ever since our former editor James Golden Bright IV left the paper last Spring, there has been a hole that has needed filling – in a few different ways. Aside from the hole that his absence has left in all of our hearts, there was also the hole of Entertainment Editor that had to be filled. That's where I stepped in. Another hole was one that James Golden Bright IV filled so well that I wasn't sure if we could find a replacement. What I'm referring to is James Golden Bright IV's standing as the gayest straight guy on staff. Although I will never live up to his stature, I have been promoted to this position of gayest straight guy on staff of The East Texan this year.

As is customary, it is the duty of the gayest straight guy on staff to write at least one "gay" article this semester. So, this is mine.

I was recently watching an episode of "Conan" when Glenn Howerton of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" came on the show and was talking about something he called "The Gay Spectrum." What he was referring to is that some people can fall on one end of the spectrum and be completely flamingly homosexual or fall at the other end, making them unquestionably, indisputably heterosexual. What he said next is what caught me a bit offguard – simply because it was just so obvious that I hadn't even thought about it. What he said was that, while some people fall at one end of the spectrum and some fall at the other, most everybody else falls somewhere in the middle, making them only a few degrees "off-gay." I was baffled at the clarity of this statement, because, for the most part, it is absolutely true. I'm a prime example. So is James Golden Bright IV. We both love the ladies, but are also one or two drunken experiments away from joining the other team.

Some people would think that us being a few degrees "off-gay" would be a bad thing, but once I started to think about it, I came to the conclusion that everyone should be just a little bit gayer. Think about it. Once you get out of high school or college, you never see a sad homosexual, do you? Nope. And what relationships do you see lasting longer? That's right. Gay ones. From what I see, it has to do with the fact gays are kind of like their own race of people who don't date outside that race. The way I think about it is that, if the person you are dating has all the same "equipment" as you, you are going to be forced to build a relationship based more on compatibility and chemistry.

Also, if more people in the world (especially the South) were a littler gayer, homophobia could be completely eradicated. It's a lot more difficult to ridicule a gay guy if you've just come from seeing your best friend – to whom your parting words were "Love you, buddy."

Plus, I think it would just be nicer for the gay-straight guys if we could play with a cute puppy or get flowers for our girlfriends without a homophobic bystander suggesting that I [fellate] a [piece of male genitalia].