Writer attempts to diagnose voter apathy

As in 2008, I find myself in a contradictory situation. With midterm elections approaching, I have now realized my opportunity to take part in one of the most treasured American values has come and gone.

I am not registered to vote. It's not that I don't want to. One of my biggest interests is social justice for people in developing countries, and the right to vote is one of those justices. I am enraged to find elections have been rigged or people are turned away from voting booths because they belong to a certain tribe or vote a certain way.

But, when it comes to me using my civil right to choose who governs my country, I cannot gain enough motivation, and really have no explanation. All I have are assumptions as to why this apathy exists.

My first guess is that I just have no faith in the people who are ever considered main contenders on ballots. Let's be honest, this country is run by incumbents who only consider their constituencies when November approaches. They are career politicians, and the interest of lining their own pockets often overtakes the need to fulfill promises.

Then again, election time gives us the chance to be a part of a movement to get this type of politician out of office. The odds of organizing enough voters in this way are unfavorable in the face of an increasingly apathetic youth culture, but to not try is to simply give in. So, this explanation has to be knocked down in the queue.

My lack of enthusiasm may come down to the idea that so long as you are on the Republican ticket in Texas, winning an election is fairly simple. Then again, what if I were to not want a particular GOP candidate representing me? It can happen.

In the process of formulating this thought, the real reason behind my lack of desire to register to vote hit me: I don't want to have to choose. My family is very conservative based, very Republican, and I've been raised on their ideals. Over time, however, I've tried to see things from both sides, and considered there are good things and bad things offered on either end of the political spectrum.

But, when it comes time to actually pick one side over the other, I'm afraid of the implications. What if I regret my choice? What would my parents or grandparents think if I actually voted for a Democrat? For so long that has been the "other" way, but what if I find, even at one brief point, it is the way for me?

So, I've remained hidden, riding the fence and only leaning one way or the other here or there, but never jumping off even for a moment. This has to change.

Consider this my promise to vote in the 2012 presidential election. It is unrealistic for me to think my continued apathy toward the U.S. voting system will continue to leave me happy, even if my vote doesn't necessarily make a difference. If anything, I need to vote just because I care about all the people in the world who do not even have that right extended to them.

So, why are you still here reading? I'm not going to TELL you how I vote. Even I don't know that yet. Baby steps, you know? Baby steps.