Writer's birthday encumbered by Halloween

Everyone thinks being born on Halloween is all cupcakes, sunshine and little baby ponies that poop rainbows, but despite popular belief, it is not the picturesque dreamboat you would think.

I've heard all the seemingly great lines: "It sure must be fun to have everyone celebrating your birthday," or, "It's like you get a present from everyone."

Oh yes, and did I mention sometimes the great Halloween pumpkin floats out of the sky and hands me the winning lottery ticket?

I think I'd like to give Halloween the stern talking to it has had coming for the past 20 years of my birthday-deprived life.

First things first, candy does not count as a gift! Just because my birthday just so happens to coincide with a major holiday revolving around candy, doesn't mean that fun-size milky ways and gummy vampire teeth consume the entirety of my birthday wish list.  If people cared about me at all, they would at least accompany the measly five candy corns in a Ziploc with something other than a pumpkin shaped cut out of a miniature Dotson dressed as a hot dog.

Whenever I tell someone my birthday is on Oct. 31, it has always been my own personal game to see if they realize it's on Halloween. It's the small bit of consolation I get for having to look back on baby pictures where I'm dressed as a pumpkin, Minnie Mouse, or (my personal favorite) a 2-year-old murderous doctor, complete with blood and static cling hair.

While most decently intelligent folks recognize the date, there is a rather large handful who are completely clueless. When they ask when my birthday is and I respond, "October 31st," there is generally a dramatic pause and the anticlimactic response of something like, "Oh, well that's cool." I'm even willing to bet there is someone who is reading this right now and just realized that Oct. 31 and Halloween are, in fact, the same thing.

Listen people, I'm not asking anyone to cure cancer or send a rocket ship to the moon, but the only real benefit Halloween kids get out of this kick is the ever-so-often response of, "Oh, so your birthday is on Halloween? That's pretty cool."

Another thing Halloween is doing is stealing thunder from my attempted birthday celebration events. I think this must be the only holiday that's one day long, but lasts the entire month. No matter which weekend I pick to celebrate, it's always booked for like 90 percent of the people I want to invite. People generally supply excuses like, "That's the weekend I'm going to the haunted house," or "I can't. That's the weekend of the costume party."

Why does Halloween have so many greatly themed and oftentimes fun outings? I feel like if all the holidays got together and had a meeting, Halloween would be that annoying guy that's always trying to one-up the other holidays. Christmas would probably lean over to Easter and say something like, "Yea, Halloween is a douche bag. Did you hear that pumpkin carving stuff he is trying to start? Ha! Like that will ever catch on...."

Next time you're thinking it might be cool to have your birthday on Halloween, think again. Appreciate the fact that you get actual gifts that aren't themed with black and orange (which is the worst color combination in history I might add) and enjoy the fact your friends can actually attend your birthday party. If you still think Halloween babies have it made, you might check your shoe; I think you've probably stepped in some rainbow pony poop.